2 things I enjoy:

Riding the tram

Watching people stick their arm out thinking it stops the tram.

What Can I Say, I Like What I Like!

I'm very vocal about things that I dislike, and believe me, I dislike a lot of things! Consequently I'm very often labelled as negative or a moaner - it's always "Oh Anna, why don't you talk about the things you do like instead?" 

Well I like lots of things! 

I like dogs. I like birds. I like animals in general. 

I like finding a song with the perfect beat for a gym workout, and I like it when I realise that I can sing a song without forgetting any lyrics for the first time. 

I like potatoes - mashed, roasted, fried, wedges, hash browns, any way you like. 

I like finding the last item of clothing in my size at a shop at the back of the rail. I like it even more if it happens to have had a couple of quid knocked off of the original sale price. 

I like Cherry Bakewell flavoured green tea. 

I like scrapbooking and journaling. 

I like Family Guy. 

I like the inside jokes that I have with Sam and my friends. 

I like road trips, and I like having control of the aux cord on those road trips.

I like people watching. 

I like tattoos. 

I like 70s rock and 90s dance music. 

I like climbing trees (although admittedly I'm not that good at it). 

I like online shopping. 

I like stickers. 

I like Vanilla Coca Cola. 

I like the little woofing noises that Penny makes when she's dreaming. 

I like going to Sam's parents' house on Mondays for tea. 

I like Instagram and Pinterest. 

I like huge blankets and fluffy socks. 

I like putting food out for the birds in our garden. 

I like this one aftershave that Sam wears which I comment on every time he wears it. 

I like the Harry Potter books. 

I like it when pets have people names like Phil or Greg or Susan. 

I like looking at houses on Rightmove and judging the decor (money can't buy taste!). 

I like David Attenborough documentaries. 

I like cocktails and cocktail bars. 

I like skinny jeans and Converse high tops. 

I like cheese. 

I like Sam's beard when it gets a bit scruffy, usually the night before he neatens it up again.

You're probably wondering if there's a point of this, but there's not! But next time somebody points out that I complain too much about the things I don't like, I can point them in the direction of this list of things I do like!

All Aboard the Broommobile!

 As of 11:00am this morning on August 14th 2017, I'm officially no longer a learner driver.

That's right, I PASSED! First time and everything!

I got two minors - the first was when I was doing my left-reverse bay park. The car park we were in was tiny and with only 10 spaces, so as I was reversing I thought there was no need to worry about the two cars behind us, but my examiner said that I should have considered checking that nobody had returned to their car and attempted to pull out behind me.

The second fault happened at an awkward junction in Beeston. Instead of a standard crossroads, there is a junction where you need to take a sharp right followed by an immediate left in order to continue your path straight ahead. I took the turns in second gear and wasn't particularly worried about the turns, but my examiner said I could have taken them in first and alowed right down to give myself a bit more time to negotiate the bends.

Both very valid faults and not what I was worrying about fluffing anyway so that's more than fair.

I'm going to take a bit of time to get used to my own car. I've been learning in a Mini and it's so responsive and heavy-set, whereas my little Peugeot has a tricky biting point and zips around like a go-kart so I'm a completely different driver depending on which car I'm in.

I'm hoping that once I've driven myself to and from work a few times, I'll really be able to nail my clutch control in my car, and then nothing can hold me back!

I'm curious to know if anyone actually peeps my blog other than Sam.

It's sweet that he reads it but I feel that as my boyfriend he's always gonna be my number one fan regardless of what I do, so if you're reading this now and you're not Sam (hi babe), can you do me a favour and drop me a little line on whichever form of social media you know me from just to let me know that you've read my blog.

TYSM. 

The Pigeon in Our Garden

We saw a pigeon die this morning.

He hit the window with such a thud that we almost jumped out of our skin.

At first we thought the dog had been chasing him, but she was at the other end of the garden.

We got her inside and out of the way and ran back outside and saw the poor wood pigeon who'd collided with the French doors. 

He wasn't in a good way.

At first I was hoping that he was just stunned. I waited for him to regain his senses and fly away, but he'd hit the glass so hard that he must have caused some real damage. He started to cough up blood, and he was struggling to breathe.

We knew that there was nothing that we could do to save him, there was too much blood. The only thing I could do for him was to try and keep him calm.

I sat with him and gently put my hand on his back. Sam was worried that I would catch something but they're no dirtier than any other animal and it didn't matter to me. He was so warm, and so soft, and I could feel his heart beating. He wasn't afraid, and it didn't take long. 

He closed his eyes as I was stroking his feathers, took one last shallow breath, and then he was gone.

It might seem silly, I know he was "just a bird", but I didn't want him to be frightened. I didn't want him to die alone. I'm not sure how aware birds are or whether they're able to comprehend death, but as he died, I hope he felt calm and safe and that he wasn't too frightened. 

Sam had to move him after he'd died. I was too upset. I'd started crying when I saw the blood and I couldn't stop. I love animals and I love feeding the birds in the garden, so to see one die up close and in such a painful way was hard for me. 

I know that people don't tend to care about pigeons and it's easy for people to think of them as vermin, but this was a very real animal dying in front of me and it's actually made me feel very sad.

I feel like for a moment, he was the most important soul in the world, and by writing about it, it's taking the sadness away.

I'd ask anyone reading this (all 3 of you) to remember to be kind to animals. Feed the birds in your garden, leave some water out for them, make a bug hotel. Don't write the pigeons off as annoying pests, because they're just living their best lives and they feel pain just like we do.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 30

"What talent or skill that you have are you grateful for?"

Drawing. I'm never going to win any awards or make it big as an artist, but I love doodling away anyway.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 29

"What friend/family member are you grateful for today?"

My Mama. She's just a legend. She's always there for me and she's a really cool nan.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 28

"What small thing that happened today are you grateful for?"

Another good driving lesson. I feel like I'm making progress every week.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 27

"What small thing that you use daily are you grateful for?"

Deodorant! Fuck living in a world where people don't wear deodorant!

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 26

"What form of expression are you most grateful for?"

Singing. I love singing even though I can't always carry a tune, and I absolutely adore music.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 25

"What moment this week are you most grateful for?"

Dinner at Sam's parents' on Monday night.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 24th

"What challenge are you grateful for?"

Learning to drive. I hate lessons, they're taking up so much time and energy, but I'm thankful because it means I'll have so much more freedom and independence.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 23

"What tradition are you grateful for?"

Every time Sam and I go somewhere for the day/on holiday, we buy a new fridge magnet. Sad but cute!

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 22

"What story are you grateful for?"

"The Owl Who Was Afraid of the Dark" because I used to struggle with an awful fear of the dark and it helped me a lot as a kid.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 21

"What song are you most grateful for?"

There are too many to choose from, but one that's worthy of mentioning is Kaleo's "Automobile", because it was listening to that song whilst standing in the rain at my bus stop waiting for my bus which never showed up that pushed me into booking driving lessons.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 20

"Who in your life are you grateful for?"

Sam, Penny, my family, Sam's family, our friends.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 19

"What touch are you grateful for today?"

I'm grateful for hugs. Being able to hold somebody I love when I've had a bad day.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 18

"What piece of art are you grateful for?"

Badly Restored Jesus. Google it.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 17

"What knowledge are you grateful for?"

I'm grateful for my general knowledge. I know all sorts of pointless but interesting facts and I'm a boss at pub quizzes.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 16

"What about your body are you grateful for?"

I'm grateful for my overall good health. The only issue I ever seem to have is feeling overly tired and cold, but I don't get sick very often. I'm also grateful for my eyes and for my long hair.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 15

"What season are you grateful for?"

Summer! I spend half of the year waiting for it to come back so that I'm not cold any more!

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 14

"What sight are you grateful for today?"

Penny waiting for us in the bedroom window when we get home from work. She's always so excited to see us.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 13

"What abilities are you grateful for?"

I'm funny, I'm a good friend and I think I have an eye for a great photograph.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 12

"What texture are you grateful for?"

Sam's beard. I know that's vomit-inducing but he's got a tufty little soul patch on his chin that's fun to mess with and I love it when his beard gets all scratchy just before he shaves it all off.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 11

"What holiday are you grateful for?"

Arenal D'en Castell in Menorca. I was 16 and it was the first time I'd been abroad for 8 years. It was absolutely perfect and I desperately want to go back one day.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 10

"What taste are you grateful for today?"

Vanilla. It makes everything taste amazing.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 8

"What book are you most grateful for?"

The Harry Potter series. Boring I know, but they helped me to get away from what was a pretty shitty life at the time.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 7

"What memory are you grateful for?"

Hula-hooping my way into 2012 on a stage in an underground rave dressed as Wonder Woman.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 6

"What in nature are you grateful for?"

Bees.

Save the bees.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 5

"What sound are you grateful for today?"

The bird in our garden which sings the same unique tune every morning and night. I've never heard another bird make the same noise before.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 4

"What food are you most grateful for?"

My first thought is always breaded chicken, but after thinking about it, I would have to say the potato. Mashed, boiled, roasted, in a jacket, it's all good.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 3

"What colour are you grateful for?"

Black. It's flattering, it's effortless, it goes with everything.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 2

"What technology are you grateful for?"

I'm grateful for the mobile phone. It's a camera, an atlas and an MP3 player all rolled into one, and I can use it to learn about anything that has ever existed.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 1 

"What smell are you grateful for today?"

I'm grateful for the warm popcorn smell that Penny gives off when she's sleeping.

30 Days of Gratitude

Day 9

"What place are you most grateful for?"

Our house. I love coming home to it every day.

Later that night

I held an atlas in my lap

Ran my fingers across the whole

World

And Whispered

Where does it hurt?

It answered

Everywhere

Everywhere

Everywhere

- Warsan Shire

Mop Chop

I'm getting my hair cut on the 7th next month which means that my camera roll is full of beachy waves, Kardashians and near-identical Instagrammers ready for me to show to my hairdresser before inevitably mumbling "just a few layers and some shaping around the face please, I'm trying to keep the length".

But am I Kim Kardashian yet or...

I'm trying to grow it past my boobs before getting it styled so it means that I'm living in haircut limbo. I don't want to get anything so drastic that it messes up the growing process, but I don't want to be left with something so shit and boring that I give up and chop it into something crazy. 

I could pull off the Yolandi Visser, right...?

Everyone Thinks That Their Dog is the Best Dog, and They're Absolutely Right

I just want to take a moment, if I may, to talk about how amazing dogs are.

We have a species who at some point decided that humans would make good companions, and we happened to feel the same about them. Over time, we've evolved together to the point where we have these little furry creatures running around in our houses, completely naked, unable to speak the same language as us, and both parties are completely cool with that.

Dogs are so intelligent, and so intuitive. When Sam is sick, Penny won't leave his side, and if ever I'm crying, she will try to lick my tears away. A few weeks ago she even ran to fetch Sam from downstairs when I had a funny turn and couldn't get up.

And they can be so gentle, even though some of them are built like machines. Sometimes at night, Penny will lie in between me and Sam with her face on the pillow in between ours and we can't help but marvel at the fact that this big, muscular, sharp-toothed animal descended from wolves could easily rip our faces off but instead she licks them before falling asleep and snoring like a trooper.

All dogs are good dogs. I have favourite breeds of course, but they're all fabulous in their own way.

I would say that my top 10 from favourite to least are as follows:

1. Staffordshire Bull Terriers (I'm completely biased)
2. Mutts and crossbreeds. The goofier the better!
3. Chihuahuas. So much attitude in such a tiny animal!
4. Collies of any variety but especially Border Collies
5. Labradors and retrievers
6. German Shepherds
7. Great Danes
8. Borzoi
9. Corgis
10. Greyhounds and whippets

Even writing that list was difficult. It's so hard to choose favourites, I feel like the Doberman and the Rottweiler deserve a place in the top 10 but it would push out Greyhounds and Corgis. Ah well, life is full of tough decisions.

The most important thing to remember is that all dogs are good dogs, even if they eat your shoes or poo on your sofa or something. If you're reading this and you have a dog, give them a pat and a belly rub from me won't you? 

When You Take One Good Photo & Have to Post It Everywhere

I was just really feeling myself and the good lighting in our bedroom yesterday

Hang in There, Baby

My driving lessons have taken over my life at the moment. They're really taking up a lot of time, money and energy that I'd like to be spending elsewhere, including this blog, BUT I'm also feeling really good about the fact that this is the only real "stress" I've got going on in my life at the moment because it's a controllable stress and it's going to have a positive outcome at the end of it all. Here's hoping I can get to test standard sooner rather than later because I seriously cannot be bothered with bus timetables and reverse bay parking any longer! (I am sick at a reverse left bay park though, for the record...)

See You In Hell Winter!

This weekend has been so beautiful. 20 degree heat on both Saturday and Sunday, and it meant that we were able to get some jobs done in the garden and enjoy the sun together.

At the front of the house, we finally painted the wooden beam above our front door. I say "we", but that actually means Sam because I was too short to reach the bloody thing! I bought some black outdoor paint last Summer when we moved in but we never got around to painting it for one reason or another.

In the back garden, we've started to prep for a bug-friendly garden. We've put a bee hotel up on the fence in the sunniest part of the garden in the hopes of attracting leaf cutter bees or other bee varieties, and we've moved some bricks into place in the opposite corner ready to build a bug hotel as soon as I can bring home some wooden pallets from one of our sites. The plan is to have 3 pallets in total stacked on top of each other using the bricks - each section underneath a pallet will then be filled with things like pinecones, bamboo sticks, plantpots etc, ready for any potential guests to move in.

Once we got all of that out of the way, we spent the rest of the weekend desperately trying to get some colour back into our pale skin. Penny has been happy, switching from sunning herself with some ice cubes to rolling in the dirt to cool off. It's been good to wear something short-sleeved for a change instead of being wrapped up in 3 layers and a jumper!

We've also managed to fit in more driving practise for me, a hands-free dog walk for Penny (with our new waist belt/dog lead investment), and - on my part - some shameless selfies because I felt cute as fuck...at least until I went outside and was forced back into my ugly squint by the sun.

Say Hello to the Broommobile!

Over a month has passed since I started my driving lessons and I've come a long way already.

I picked everything up really quickly and I was out on the main roads within 4 hours, and I felt confident enough after my second lesson to buy my first ever car!

The Broommobile

Here she is. I went down the finance route to avoid eating into my mortgage deposit or my savings, and the dealership delivered it from Bolton to my door.

I was keen to buy a car before passing my test so that I can get used to the clutch on this car as I'm learning in my instructor's car.

Speaking of instructors, I've already had to change to another one already. I was wary of going with a male instructor, as I'm not very comfortable around men that I don't know, but I put my prejudices to one side and decided to give it a try. 

Within 20 minutes of my first lesson, however, I felt uncomfortable. My instructor told that "women always struggle with the clutch, it's just not natural to them" - fair enough I thought, until he went on to say it's "unnatural to them - it would be like you going out to work whilst your boyfriend stays home to have the babies"...

Fabulous start.

I didn't like that, but I thought maybe I was just being over-sensitive and carried on with my lessons, but every lesson, there would be at least one thing he said or did that annoyed me.

At the end of my first lesson, he cancelled another pupil's lesson to clear a space for me even though I told him not to. His justification was that I'm a good student and that the boy whose lesson he'd cancelled was "no good anyway, he can wait". 

In one lesson he told me that he had favourite students who he always prioritised over his other students - innocent enough, until he started referring to me and these mystery students as his "special students" and told me that he always cancelled other lessons for us. 

In another lesson, he said he liked that I don't wear makeup. I pointed out that I was wearing concealer, eyebrow pencil & powder, eyeliner and mascara, and he then went on to say that it wasn't as much as one student who "got in the car on her first lesson and made me so happy - she was beautiful! But then in her next lesson she wore no makeup and I asked her where her daughter had gone and who this was, and she didn't like that. I felt like she had lied to me. I feel like women deceive me when they wear makeup and hide their face from me".

Once when I asked him whether I should stop or just slow down after a woman didn't stop behind an obstruction on her side, he replied with He also commented that "yes slow down, because it is a woman, and woman + woman = accident".

It sounds ridiculous to type it out, you're probably thinking that I'm just overreacting, and I probably am, but to be in a confined space like a car with a stranger under the pressure of driving safely as a learner, you don't really need the distraction of a man making sexist jokes in your ear.

Add in the fact that he never taught me to check blind spots when overtaking parked cars or changing lanes (only when pulling off from a kerb), and that he would take his hands off the wheel when he was driving, and I just started to dread my driving lessons. I spent more time feeling annoyed by his comments or behaviour than learning anything new. 

Now that I can go out in my car and practise with Sam, I thought it was the perfect time to change instructor, so this morning, I called the driving school to ask for a female instructor. I didn't ring to complain, and I didn't badmouth my instructor, but when the lady on the phone asked me why I wanted to switch instructors and I told her, she insisted that the company have to raise it as a complaint because of the nature of his comments and the fact that he was getting me to stop at the shop for him and flouting the company's policies and procedures to favour his "special" students.

They didn't have any female instructors, so I changed to another driving school who do, and my first lesson is on Wednesday. I didn't think anything else of my previous instructor until the lady called me back and advised that he was denying the comments and cancelling lessons. I wouldn't have been bothered if he'd tried to suggest that I was just taking things the wrong way, but the fact that he flat-out denied everything is a bit annoying. I told her that I wasn't interested in pursuing a complaint though - I don't want to ruin the guy's career just because I found him a bit irritating - so she just said that they would investigate internally.

In the meantime, Sam and I have been tootling around Nottingham in my car, maybe 5-10 miles at a time, and I'm doing well. I feel like I've nailed the basics, but I'll need a few more lessons to neaten out any bad habits and to improve the skills I've already got.

I've bought myself a basic AA road kit and I've found the perfect cubby holes for my sunglasses and phone for when I'm driving. I still feel like I've got a long way to go, but I'm looking forward to driving lessons again now that I've changed to a new instructor, and hopefully it won't be long until I'm out on the roads on my own!

My baby on the driveway

If I Know What Love Is, It Is Because Of You

I came home today to flowers from Sam, and a card which read "Happy International Women's Day! Just wanted to let you know that you are loved and appreciated (every day!)"

He's always doing things like this - bringing me flowers, making me cards, taking care of me when I'm sick or just tired.

He's so kind and understanding, and he makes everyone around him feel so good about themselves. 

He has the cutest laugh - he watches a lot of live comedy and podcasts, and I can hear him laughing from all over the house.

He loves to read and to educate himself. For his birthday, he asked for Amazon vouchers so that he could buy himself a ton of non-fictional books about science, mathematics, religion, art, history etc. and he's learning German from scratch so that he can catch up to my (still pretty basic) level.

He does housework without me ever having to ask, and he always saves some of his breakfast for the dog.

He has the most gorgeous baby blue eyes, and his legs are killer!

He's kind to animals, tips generously at restaurants, and always takes the time to help my Mama whether she wants a light bulb changing or needs her whole back garden power-washing.

He's modest too, and trustworthy, and he's a damn good kisser!

In short, he's such an amazing soul, and I feel like he definitely brings out the best in me.

I'm so in love with you, Sammy - I know you're reading this!

International Women's Day 2017

TW: Abuse, self-harm

If you're reading this - Happy International Women's Day!

I want to take a moment to talk about what today means to me. It's going to be long and be a bit of a bumpy ride, so buckle up!

Whenever this day comes around, it's inevitable that at least one bloke will "jokingly" ask when International Men's Day is (November 19th FYI), and it's usually followed by a short lecture about how good women have got it these days, and how the problems that we're "complaining about" don't really exist anymore.

Fair enough when you consider the life I'm leading these days - I have a warm and comfortable home, I have a boyfriend and friends who love me, I have a good job, and I never have to worry about where my next meal is coming from. I'm also free to go about my daily life in any way I please. I'm grateful to the women of history who sacrificed what little they already had in order for today's women to lead this kind of existence.

Consider this however - there are still places on this Earth where women still don't have the same basic rights that I have, that you probably have. There are girls who are forced into marriage at the age of 12 to a man three times her age; there are countries where where practises such as female genital mutilation and breast "ironing" are still performed; there are countries where women have no access to education or opportunities simply because they are women. If you believe that International Women's Day doesn't go beyond catcalling and the gender pay gap, you're wrong.

It's a day where we recognise the impact that women have had on the world throughout history, and the impact that individual women have had on our own lives, as well as recognising how amazing we are as individuals. My family is full of strong women who all manage to stay bad ass no matter what life throws at them, and I believe that I'm also bad as fuck despite the shit I've been through.

My mum died when I was 8, and within the next 4 years, my stepdad had become horribly abusive, physically and mentally. He cut me off from my family, telling me that they didn't want me, and sending back their letters, rejecting their calls, all whilst telling me they'd never tried to contact me. He began drinking, and subsequently lost his job, and then later his driving license after being pulled over for drink driving whilst I was in the car. 

He would drink all evening and then wake me up at 2am to scream at me for "ruining his life", telling me he wished I'd never been born and how my mum's brain aneurysm was probably caused by me stressing her out. He would then break down about losing her and about how terrible his life was, and I would usually have to talk him out of killing himself and then wait up until he went to sleep before getting ready for school and leaving without breakfast. We had no money because he didn't have a job. We could never afford to have the heating on, and my diet was so poor that I was constantly poorly - dinner most evenings was beans on toast or mince meat with potatoes and I was constantly exhausted due to the lack of nutrients and vitamins, coupled with the lack of sleep and the fact that I had to walk all over town to go to school and to fetch shopping when he was too drunk to go. He would take money out of my savings account and tell anyone who questioned it that it was for food and that he would pay me back, but in reality it went on cigars and booze.

He would drag me all over Stoke so that he could party and sleep with random women (it was after one of these "parties" that he was pulled over for drink driving), and he always had people coming in and out of our house on drugs. One of them once smashed a plate and tried to slash his throat with it and so my stepdad had to take him to hospital but "forgot" to tell me, so I woke up the next morning to an empty house covered in blood. I had to go to school and didn't find out what had happened until I came home.

He was unbelievably controlling, probably because he was afraid that I would tell people about the way I was living. I had to be home at a set time every day, and if the clock ticked over by literally one second, he would scream at me for hours about what a bitch and a whore I was, and he would inflict the most ridiculous punishments on me such as limiting how long I was allowed to shower for, or waiting until I was halfway through straightening my hair before taking the straighteners away and sending me to school in an attempt to embarrass me.

He kept tabs on me and my friends and would tell me that he had "spies" at school who would report back to him about what I said or did outside of the house. He would start arguments over nothing, and tell me that I was worthless, and I started to believe it.

The worst part, and also the hardest part for me to talk about, is that he would constantly try to sexually abuse me. He had child porn on his computer and would try to make me look at it if I was on the computer doing homework or anything (I refused, obviously). He secretly filmed me in the shower and would constantly try to touch me. He would climb into my bed at night and lie there silently before telling me that it was just because he was lonely, then he would either laugh or cry and leave the room again with no explanation. He would also tell me that he could rape me any time he wanted to, and that nobody would believe me. I believe that the only reason he never did was because he was always too drunk to stand up, and I would lock myself in the bathroom and sleep in the bathtub. 

I spent my early teens terrified that I was going to be raped or killed, and I self-harmed regularly. I kept trying to run away, but I had been conditioned into staying silent, and because I felt like I couldn't open up about what was happening, school and other adults would write the whole thing off as teenage drama and send me back home. I even asked to be put into care, but they didn't realise what was happening and said that "care isn't the place for a nice girl like you".

I eventually escaped at 16, and went to live with the most amazing woman, my unofficial foster mum, Jane. She took me in straight away, no questions asked, despite only having met me once or twice before. She was like a mum to me, and my best friend. She helped me to turn my failing grades around at school, and she helped me to get back in touch with my family years after my stepdad had cut them out of my life. I made more friends and my confidence grew massively (as did my waistline thanks to the amount of food and snacks she always made sure to get in for us!). She gave me back the childhood I'd been missing, and when she died just 2 years later, it was like it had been snatched away again.

I tell you this because for years, I felt like I couldn't speak about what I'd been through. I always told myself that other people had it much worse, that somewhere in the world there was another woman who wasn't lucky enough to have a bathroom that she could lock herself in at night. That somewhere else, another girl was suffering  more than me because she didn't have a Jane of her own that she could run away to. I counted myself lucky that I'd "got off lightly" with the abuse I'd faced, and I didn't really talk about it for fear of making people feel uncomfortable.

But the abuse still happened, and it had a permanent effect on my life. I've only recently been able to start talking about it in detail, and I finally feel like I've come to terms with everything and that I've moved on from being a victim. I also believe that this has something to do with the fact that my stepdad died a few years ago, giving me the closure that a lot of abuse victims never get.

My point is that there will always be women out there who are have had it worse than me, and there will be women out there who never get closure or a happy ending. But that's exactly why International Women's Day is important. We are always being told that our problems "aren't that bad" - the point is that nobody's problems should be "that bad", but that quite often they are. International Women's Day is, for me, a day to think about how much I've had to overcome personally, and to think about the women all over the world who are still fighting for equality and respect.

If your biggest obstacle in your life is "just" catcalling or "just" the gender pay gap, your obstacle is still valid, you are not what people do to you, and I hope that you continue to fight the good fight and continue being a bad ass queen who loves herself and takes no shit!

Driving Lessons - 1 Down, Only A Million To Go!

Last Saturday I had my first ever driving lesson.

(Well...my first ever paying driving lesson. My first ever driving lesson was in a Land Rover which belonged to my friend Dan's granddad, and the lesson ended with me stalling the car almost immediately and nearly colliding with some sheep...)

The lesson was...different to what I had been expecting. I only stalled once, and that was only because I didn't realise that you need to use the clutch when braking and I stopped to avoid running a pigeon over. My instructor wasn't too impressed, but I'll be damned if I'm killing a poor bird, especially on my first lesson!

As if my birdie heroics weren't enough to leave an impression, my resting bitch face didn't exactly do me any favours. My instructor kept telling me to smile because apparently I looked as though I wanted to drive us both into a wall, despite my constant reassurances that "it's literally just my face".

He says I'm a good student though, and that I'm going to be a good driver, so I felt justifiably smug after 2 hours of trundling anti-clockwise around a quiet local estate at 8 mph. (Now I don't want to brag, but I did get up to a speedy little 12 mph at one point.) 

This Saturday, I'll be having another 2 hour lesson, and I'm hoping to get up to 15 mph and to move on from left turns to right hand ones. Baby steps though. Knowing my luck, I'll end up totalling the car in some poor old lady's garden and you'll see my mugshot in the Daily Mail before the weekend is out...!